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by the mythologist
Summary: Faced with doing what is right, and pursuing her own happiness, Katara makes a choice.  Rated M for  steamy  sexual encounters and  all-around  angst, but an uplifting ending. Alternate title: Katara Plays Pai Sho.


**I don't own Avatar The Last Airbender. I'm sure we're all so oh very surprised :P**

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><p>In the days leading up to her wedding, Katara vacillates between her desires, what is right, and who she is. Eventually, she makes a choice.<p>

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><p><em>The stars overhead danced and spun, and when she extended her hands, it looked like she could catch them. Yet what she caught instead was a firebender, with one eye perfect and the other scarred, and warm enough to scare away the cold forever. Giggling, she pulled water from the stream and froze it around their laced fingers. With an uncharacteristically light look in his eyes, the firebender melted the barrier and pulled her closer. <em>

_ "Katara," he whispered against the deep black of her hair. "Thank Agni, I've been looking for you for almost an hour." Completely disregarding his anxiety, she exhaled into his chest. He was so warm…Aang was never this warm. To be brutally honest, Aang was never a lot of things that this firebender was, although most of the time she tried not to think about that. _

_ The source of warmth started to pull away, and Katara clutched him tightly. "No. Don't go. So warm."_

_ The furnace may or may not have huffed in amusement. "We both have to go, Katara. I have to get you back to camp before Toph and Aang get back and realize that everyone is drunk." Katara could feel his head shaking above her, and almost heard him mumble something along the lines of _Although how on earth Haru and The Duke managed to use Toph's secret firewhiskey stash in the stew is still beyond me…

_Katara was suddenly and disproportionately angry. She staggered back from the warmth of the Zuko-dragon, and pointed at him dramatically. "You! You just…you're just mad because you didn't eat the stew!"_

_ Zuko smiled genuinely now. He held up his palms in supplication. "Ah, you caught me. I can't ever hide from you, Master Waterbender."_

_ Utterly appeased, Katara ran over to embrace him once again. "That's right! I caught you! I win!" Katara brushed her nose against his throat and the next words rose from her, child-like and unbidden. "Now I'll hold on for-_ev_er. Just watch. I will win!" She leaned back to smile up at him, but was distracted by the gentle look on his face. He was so…soft now, whereas before he had been so angry and scowly. Oh La, he was so handsome when he looked down at her like this…_

_ "But you're wrong."_

_ Oh? Katara searched his darkening eyes for the answer to a question her intoxicated mind could no longer remember. "No. Never wrong. Silly Zuko." She cocked her head to the side, and felt Zuko's hands tighten against her side. Her brain was finally able to dredge up the last sentence she had said. "See how tight I'm holding on? I can hold on forever and ever. Watch me."_

_ "Not about that." His breath was warm against her ear, and Katara almost moaned at the raspy accent. When had Zuko's voice possessed the power to make her feel like she was made completely of water? The only part of her that felt like a woman was the pleasurable tightness in his stomach; everything else felt so loose and fluid; from her legs that were trembling, to her lips that were weak and tingling._

_ She looked at his lips, wondering if they felt like hers. Like she should cover them with something; something soft and pliant and warm. "Wrong about what?" She could barely focus now, all she wanted to do was _feel.

_"Wrong about the stew. I had some. It was really bad." _

_ Katara tried to giggle but was too distracted by the feel of his hands on her lower back. She shifted against them, trying to get them to touch more of her. Everywhere he touched tingled with warmth and some mysterious pleasurable sensation she had never before experienced. She thought briefly of Aang, but there was no room for him here between them. So she banished the Avatar from their circle of dynamic warmth to the cold wind surrounding them. _

_ "It left a bad taste in my mouth for hours. It's still there, actually."_

_ He had finally begun to move his hands over her body and Katara exhaled in satisfaction. Yet they were moving too slowly! She reached up to put her hands on his face and shoulders, desperate for more contact. She arched her back against his hands, and he pulled her even closer. Better, but not perfect. He was flame, wasn't he? It was he who should be arching into her touch._

_ "And I really…I really want to get it out. Will you help me?"_

_ He was trembling. One hand had tangled itself in her hair and the other was venturing low over her bottom, and Katara was so lost in the intimacy of the moment that she could no longer speak. So she angled her head up and parted her lips, looking hungrily – pleadingly – into his eyes all the while. Her fingers found the soft darkness of his hair, and moving as one, she pulled him down to her and he pressed her closer, their mouths meeting in the middle. _

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Katara jerked awake, wide-eyed and gasping. Sweat had beaded on her brow, and without conscious thought she bent them away to splash harmlessly against the floor. Oh La, she'd had the dream _again._ The dream of the night that had absolutely, positively never happened, and was in no way, shape or form a memory of the night she and her fiance's best friend lost their virginities to each other. The fact that she was re-living…_dreaming_ about such things only a week before her wedding meant nothing at all. After all, her dreams had never been prophetic, and she certainly harbored no secret feelings for Zuko. How could she? Last night at her betrothal ceremony had been the first time she'd laid eyes on him in _years._ And he was _married. _ In a week, she would be too. Then, she'd never dream about that again, and her drunken recollections of the hottes-_third most awful_ night of her life would fade away, never to haunt her sleep again.

All she had to do was forget how amazingly handsome Zuko had looked standing next to her future husband, and she would be all set. Not that Aang hadn't been attractive! Aang had practically been _glowing_ he was so happy, and he had finally lost his little-boy physique several months ago, just in time for his 18th birthday. And Katara wasn't getting cold feet. Oh no, not at all. She had been with Aang for years, ever since the fall of Ozai, and all that they had been through would not be shaken by the memories of some inconsequential night before Ozai's comet had passed over the earth. It didn't matter that Zuko had broadened and strengthened as well, and that his hair was so enticing that she had to inwardly wrestle with herself against running her fingers through his long locks. It didn't affect her at all to see him look so intently at her, and she didn't comment when others mentioned that the normally content King had, ever since the Avatar's betrothal ceremony, appeared to revert to his old, intense, brooding self. It was nothing to her. It meant nothing. They were both happy in their choices, and wouldn't undo them even if they could.

Now, how to stop this ache permeating her chest?

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Katara spent most of her time during the days leading up to her wedding figuring out subtle ways to avoid being left alone with Zuko. This was difficult, as she could not appear to dislike him, and they had long been sparring partners before – and directly after – the war. Worse was how Aang stubbornly refused to pick up on any awkwardness between his best friend and his fiancée. He wanted to spend every free minute with the two of them, and it was only through claiming a bride's nervousness and business was she allowed to escape.

Aang was oblivious, yet Zuko was not. He rubbed his chest constantly when he was around her, as if her presence was a reminder of what he had attempted to sacrifice for her. He averted his eyes from her every time she left, as if he could not bear to watch her go. When their eyes did meet, however, she could read the message hiding deep within his. _Run_, they said. _Run so fast and so far that even I cannot catch you._

So she did. She ran for hours; teaching her brother's children how to bend water, secluding herself in the girly haven that consisted of Toph, Suki and Ty Lee, and even trying to get along with 4 month pregnant Mai. Admittedly, that was almost as difficult as spending time alone with Zuko. Mai had never pretended to like her, and Katara had never been able to figure out whether or not Zuko had told Mai about their one night together. She figured he hadn't, otherwise she would have heard something about it by now. Or found a shuriken in her back, or poison in her plate. Regardless, there was animosity on the Fire Lady's part, and it wasn't hard to imagine why.

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Try as she might, however, she couldn't outrun an airbender. Two nights before her wedding, Aang requested that she and Zuko spar for the ambassadors in the morning. It was an effort to integrate water tribe movements and ideals into the Fire Nation, while at the same time demonstrating to the world how fire and water could be something other than natural enemies. Katara paled, but could find no way to refuse him. This was what she had feared since Aang had told her their marriage ceremony was taking place in the Fire Nation – that she would somehow be put into close physical proximity with Zuko. She had believed nothing would happen when she thought about it then, but now she was not so sure. Zuko hadn't laughed once since she had been here, and had come close to putting out the candles once or twice by simply _smoldering. _He was honorable, however. She had to rely on that. He wouldn't initiate anything, and neither would she. What she feared now was that if she got too close to him, she would remember just how it felt to be set aflame in his arms.

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_Their mouths meshed hungrily, and now there was no space for even the wind between them. As a child, Katara had wondered how firebenders could be so powerful when water could so easily put out flame. Now that she was so intimately entwined with one she understood – it was not a matter of pure elemental power, it was more a matter of their intensity and passion, their strength and their inability to be dampened. _ _Yet_ _she would not attempt to stop him even if she could. In his arms, she felt so desperately cherished and desired that the budding woman in her would not allow her to step away from him. _

_So she brought herself even closer to his open flame, caressing his face, gripping his shoulders, her fingers tracing lines over his taut back. She moaned against his mouth as his powerful hands memorized her body; skimming over her hair and back, pulling against the curve of her hips. His mouth pushed against hers, worlds more experienced than hers, but it was she who first opened her mouth to his. This time, it was his turn to moan as their tongues clumsily invaded each other's mouths. _

_They were not clumsy for long. Drunk as she was, Katara was a quick learner and was anxious to give back as much pleasure as Zuko was giving to her. She could feel the tide between them, the passion rising and falling as one adjusted to the pace the other set. Through him she could feel this tide, through him she could feel the moon, through him she felt so lost and powerful all at once that she was not frightened when he picked her up and propped her against a smooth-barked tree. She was not frightened when his mouth moved to her neck, kissing and licking and sucking a path from her ear to her collarbone. She most certainly was not frightened when she could feel the proof of how much he desired her, pressing against her own covered center, brushing against her every time she shifted her legs around his waist. She hadn't had time to learn of desire before leaving her home, and the journey hadn't enlightened her further – this was her introduction to womanhood, and Katara met the transition with the courage that never failed her. So, slipping an arm between them, she ran a tentative yet determined hand over the bulge in his pants. _

_She was shocked when he jolted against her, inadvertently searing her shoulder with his breath. Her yelp caused him to lower her to her feet and stammer out apologies. To this, Katara merely winced, and passed a water-laden hand over her shoulder. The flesh cooled and healed nearly instantly, but Zuko still used the moment to draw back. _

"_Katara…I'm sorry, I didn't…I didn't think I'd ever..._we'd_ ever…"_

_Katara frowned, bare feet growing cold against the ground. When she had been in his arms it had all been incomprehensible and different, but that had never been a bad thing. Now that he was standing a foot away from her, she felt cold and bereft. She had never felt the urge to be so close to someone before, and La be damned if she was going to allow him to run away from her now._

_Zuko tried gamely to finish his thought as the still fairly intoxicated waterbender stepped closer to him. "We shouldn't. Aang…Aang…Oh Agni, I didn't think I'd ever even have a _chance_, let alone act on it…Katara…" She edged into his embrace the same moment he whispered her name, and the action pushed his qualms aside. They resumed where they had left off, kissing and moaning and touching, and only Yue was there to witness the way they slowly yet surely lowered their bodies to the ground. _

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Launching a chain of water whips toward her foe, Katara grinned as she felt at least half make contact. Good. Let that cool his…ardor. She hadn't been sure what to expect from him but he had attacked her dangerously enough to make her respond honestly. That at least she could respect – he wouldn't hold back, no matter their patchwork history.

Now, to business. Katara spun and wove around a veritable wall of flame that sought to slow her attacks. Moving like a dancer, she unleashed a spiral of water and ice towards the center of the inferno. There. If she fought like this, forever dodging out of reach, she could perhaps secure victory without getting too close to him…

"Not good enough, Katara."

His breath on the back of her neck was all the warning she had. She threw up her ice-encrusted arms to slow the inevitable, but Zuko was right there behind her, flaming forearms sweeping down. She grunted at the pressure of contact. She hadn't fought this seriously in years – her bouts with Aang always dissolved into annoyance, frivolity, or him appealing to her domestic impulses. Rarely were they serious, and almost never did they end in passion.

Faced with the flaming heat of his element, gaze, and conviction, Katara was forced to admit that passion was never lacking with a true firebender. Wresting herself free, Katara called upon all the water she could to form a spinning spiral of water, frost and ice. She could hear the gasp of the onlookers as she shielded herself from view. This should buy her a minute's time, long enough to rid herself of the sudden, desperate desire she felt for her sparring partner. Just a moment to breathe deeply, and turn the blood raging in her veins back to ice…

"I told you that it wasn't good enough, Katara. You need to work so much harder to get away from me."

Shocked, Katara spun around to meet Zuko's amused gaze. He crossed his arms, and the movement shook hundreds of rain droplets from his heated skin. Katara ruefully remembered the crowd's gasp, realizing they had all seen him dive after her.

He stepped closer, and Katara forgot everything but panic. He was too close, too intense, too…oh Yue, he was far too handsome for her own good. She stepped away from him, her back brushing against the shifting spiral of clouded water. "Zuko, no. We can't."

"Can't what? We're sparring, aren't we?" His fingers deftly captured her own, and Katara felt the will and ability to fight seeping out of her. He brought them to his lips and Katara felt her own lips part. "Unless…you're talking of something else in particular. In which case I'd have to tell you I _shouldn't_ know what you're referring to."

"But you do," Katara forced out, her tongue thick in her suddenly dry mouth. "You know."

Zuko lowered her hand but did not release it. He stared at her, and the distance between their eyes crackled with all the energy that had been present in their sparring moments before. "Yes," he finally whispered. "Yes, I do."

Katara's eyes closed as she bowed her head. Oh Yue and La…this was madness. They had sworn to forget years ago, and yet here they were. So close. So, so close…

"Katara," Zuko breathed in her ear as he pulled her close to him. She tightened against him, still fighting her desires, but for the moment all he wanted to do was talk. "Hush, hush, relax. Katara. I know what we promised. I know we said we'd let go. And we did, love, we did. For so long." He nuzzled his scarred cheek against her hair and Katara clutched his armor without meaning to. He was so vulnerable now, so broken, and her every instinct screamed at her to hold him. Yet before she could move, he continued.

"I know that this isn't fair, that you're getting married and that you don't want to hear any of this. I know that you love Aang. He's told me…he's told me so much of his love for you, and I can't possibly think anything else. Even if you haven't…haven't yet…you will. Soon. In just a few days, you'll belong to him, and - I haven't even congratulated you, have I? Congratulations." His voice broke then, and he pulled away from her. He averted his face so she couldn't see his heartbreak, but Katara could still hear it in his voice. Oh spirits, was he…was he still…?

"Zuko…do you…do you love-"

He turned back to her, an unfittingly serious expression on his face. "If you ask, I will answer. Katara. Do you really want to know?"

The eternity that stretched between them threatened to engulf her. Without meaning to, she took a step closer to Zuko.

"Katara!" Aang's shout was muffled, but still carried through the miasma of swirling water. Without taking her eyes off of Zuko's, she called back. "What, Aang?"

"Are you guys ok in there? Who won?"

Katara blinked. Spirits, she had forgotten...

"Katara did. She was a little overzealous and had to heal me up a bit though." Zuko smiled slightly, then held out an arm to the shocked waterbender. "Shall we?"

Stunning both herself and Zuko, she rose up on her toes and kissed him firmly on the patch of skin where lip met cheek. She hesitated only the slightest bit to inhale his surprised exhale, and to remember the smell of his skin. That was all. All she could allow herself.

"I don't know if I want to know, Zuko, but I do want you to know this. I was too afraid and confused to tell you then, and I knew it would do nothing but harm. But now I can tell you. I loved you, then. I wept at your wedding." Katara smiled painfully, trying to break the tension. "But now it no longer matters."

"Katara-" Zuko reached out for her, but she had already brought down the water, thoroughly soaking them both. Aang cheered, pulled her close and kissed her in front of everyone. Before he pulled away, however, he whispered something in her ear and Katara blanched. _What? How could he?_ Yet she was too confused to retort right away, and Aang pulled away before she could set him straight. She was unable to get a hold of him until they were nearly back at the palace, having surrendered to everyone's congratulations and teasing jabs about assassinating the Fire Lord. It didn't help that Aang was obviously avoiding her, riding the currents of wind instead of walking back with the retinue.

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"Aang, I did not use bloodbending on Zuko. How could you think that?"

Aang glanced over at her, still sulking. He had kept up a joyous façade until he had reached the palace, where he had transformed into the moody little boy in front of her. "Well, _something_ happened in there. It made you all upset! What else would get you that weird?"

It was so easy to lose her temper when she was with Aang. "A lot of things, Aang! Why did you automatically jump to bloodbending?"

"A lot of things like what?"

"Grrrrr! Things! I don't know! And I wasn't really upset I just needed a moment to orient myself, is all! I haven't fought like that in ages!"

"We spar."

Katara snorted. "Oh please. We haven't sparred seriously in, oh, ever." She scowled and crossed her arms over her chest. "Why. Bloodbending."

"I hate it when you're like this. Why do you always fight me on everything? Why can't you just accept it?"

Katara froze, too shocked to be angry for a moment. "Excuse me?"

"Like, with bloodbending, and when you wanted to get revenge on Yon Rha…you never _listen_ to me, and it makes things all messy."

"Makes…things…_messy."_

Aang either could not hear the danger in Katara's voice, or chose to ignore it. "Yeah. All emotional and uncontrollable…kinda like that water spout thing you did. I knew you were upset because you tried to hide yourself, and because the waters felt…funny." He cocked his head at her, still upset but far less so, now that he'd reached a logistical catharsis. "Are you going to do something like that at the engagement ball tonight?"

Katara had reached the point of rage where everything became calm and still. It had been a long, trying, emotional week, and Katara had been pushed past the point of endurance. As she uttered her next words, Katara felt much like she had her first time bloodbending: powerful, utterly in control, and eager to cause pain.

"You know, Aang, there are other things that are messy. Emotional things. Like kissing, and touching, and _sex._ Sex, Aang. But you wouldn't really know about that. Because it's _messy._" She turned to walk away, knowing that she would never forgive herself if she continued this further. She was simply too powerful at the moment. She could do serious damage to Aang _and_ to herself.

Behind her, Aang swelled in indignation. "Neither do you!"

She turned back slightly, gracing him with her sleek profile. Her eyebrow arched slightly. "Oh?" She whispered, practically daring him to contest her. She paused a heartbeat, nearly delighting in the anxious anger spreading over his face. "Well, if you say so." She shrugged. "Then I suppose _neither _of us will ever know, as it's oh. So. _Messy."_

She strode away from him then, seriously contemplating ending her engagement.

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_Now that she was on her back the world was spinning again. It distracted yet did not detract from the man above her who was kissing her senseless and inflaming her very soul. They were moving so much more quickly now as their emotional rubicon had been crossed. Katara giggled as she felt the night air caress her now bare skin, and Zuko shuddered at the exposed expanse of flesh. Before she could even process the cold, he bent his mouth to her breast and began to suck hungrily at her nipple. This was no occasion for delicate foreplay, not when they were this drunk and their time so precious. _

_Katara didn't mind. Her moans surprised even her pleasure-and-wine addled self, and their volume and voracity only encouraged Zuko to continue. The amount of pleasure he produced merely by licking and sucking on such a small nub of flesh…but Katara had no time to process the logistics of such a wonder as Zuko switched his attention to the other, while leaving his fingers to play with the first. She began to moan his name indeterminately and twisted her fingers in his cropped hair, not wanting to pull his mouth away from her, but anxious to address the escalating pressure between her thighs. It felt like fire, yet at the same time it also felt like it did at her moon time; the slickness that denoted her blood flow was in full force. Yet it wasn't her moon time, and the lack of cramps told her it was not blood. Her half-hearted musing was interrupted by Zuko's hand leaving her breast to trail down her taut stomach. Undeterred, Katara realized her chance and acted on it – his pulling away slightly left her an opening to re-explore previously denied areas. Her own hands trailed down after his, and even as he squeezed and caressed her thighs, her hands reached for the bulge in his pants. _

_He reacted strongly again, but not as violently as last time. His head reared back and he gritted his teeth as she wrapped a hand around the hard appendage in his pants. Katara began to stroke him through the fabric, mesmerized at the look of nearly pained concentration on his face. Yet this was not enough, her curiosity and desire must be assuaged. Katara clumsily shoved at him, catching him off balance enough for him to fall on his back. Wasting no time, she crawled over him, intent on undressing her firebender. Luckily he recognized her goal and assisted her inexperienced hands in removing his trousers, while another moment found him shirtless. Katara froze, breath caught in her throat. Oh spirits…he was even more attractive _without_ clothes…Her eyes traveled over his well-kept body, from chiseled pecs to prominent abs, to…_

_Katara almost giggled. She couldn't help it! She had never seen something so silly-looking yet erotic at the same time. It looked like an erect little snake, save that snakes had never made her feel like she was melting and falling at the same time. She sensed that every moment she spent staring at it would be awkward for Zuko, so without further adieu, she grabbed hold of it once again. _

"_Ka-ta-ra!" Zuko ground out her name as she slowly pumped his shaft. She had seen enough to know the general mechanics of sex, and was drunk enough not to wonder unduly over whether she was squeezing too hard, or not hard enough. This was far too exciting and enticing to worry about whether she was doing it right or not. Judging by Zuko's face and cries, however, she seemed to be doing ok. _

"_Katara, please…" Thinking he wanted her to go faster she increased the pace, but the hand that suddenly closed around hers forced her to stop her movement and rethink. "Katara, I'm too…that was good but I'm gonna…"_

_She cocked her head, too drunk to decipher his broken sentences. "Is something wrong, Zuko? Was I doing it badly?"_

_Zuko exhaled raggedly. It matched his smile. "Oh no. No, no. You were doing very, very well, Katara. But now it's my turn."_

_Katara beamed. Then she found an aroused firebender pressed up against her body, kissing the smirk off her face as he tilted her back towards the ground. She moaned softly as he pulled at the drawstrings of her pants, and giggled at the slide of rough garb over smooth skin. She didn't grasp that she was naked until she realized she was lying on her tunic, which had been shed moments/minutes/hours ago. Then, all she knew was the strength and finesse of Zuko's fingers, tracing paths among her slick folds, and pushing deep inside her. Katara nearly shouted as she arched up against him, but Zuko was undeterred. If anything, he was inspired: the louder Katara became, the harder he thrust his fingers inside of her. Somewhere in the back of Katara's mind a voice whispered that there should be pain and that they should soon stop, but even the wise voice was silenced when Zuko curved his fingers towards her belly, glancing along a bundle of nerves that Katara never knew had existed, but would never, ever forget about. The world was beginning to melt into a sea of sounds, colors and pleasure that she feared she might never escape from when her mouth opened – to the surprise of herself as well as Zuko – and whispered, "more."_

_Zuko froze, fingers stilling inside her, already trembling in the effort of holding himself back. His voice shook as he responded. "Katara…are you- are you sure?"_

_She thrust her hips up at him, mindlessly yet oh so purposefully. "More. Zuko. Please."_

_Katara thought she had frightened him away when he retracted his hand, and rubbed it gently on her skin. Yet then he was there, looming over her, and the proximity of his sexy snake to her opening made her shiver and pant. _Waterbending after,_ that cautionary voice whispered. Yes, Katara agreed. Waterbending after. Then, she let go. _

_He rubbed himself against her folds, and both moaned at the contact. Katara attempted to hitch her hips against him, but he arched back and whispered to her. "Katara, we have to go slowly. It will probably hurt a little."_

"_I know." She reached down between their bodies and began to stroke him again, absolutely mesmerized at how such a simple action could cause such drastic facial expressions. Not to mention how every look of pleasure made _her_ feel… "Zuko, I need…right now, please. Please."_

_The time for internal deliberation was over. He thrust into her then, faster than what he'd meant to do, yet slower than what he'd like. Katara gasped and her head fell back, and in her intoxication the only thing she could see was Zuko's expression – an arousing mixture of pleasure, consternation, and awe. She had expected pain, but because of her warrior lifestyle (or the alcohol) the sharp pain between her legs was quickly fading to a dull throb, leaving primarily the strange yet exciting sensation of being completely filled in its place. _

_ "Are you all right?"_

_ Katara nodded soundlessly, then let out a small moan as Zuko shifted, pushing his entire length into her. He pulled out when she gasped, yet he could not deny biology, and after holding himself above her on trembling arms, he slowly pushed in again. Katara found herself focusing entirely on his movements, even through her intoxication: in, out; in, out. She matched his breath, inhaling as he pulled back, exhaling as he thrust forward. Then she found herself pulling him closer to her, gripping his backside to merge even further. She felt the tight coil of pressure building where their bodies met, and although she didn't know what it was, she knew she needed to do something about it. The feeling escalated as Zuko leaned down to devour her breasts, and Katara utterly gave herself to their connection. She bucked up against him, wrapping her legs around his waist to keep them as deeply connected as possible. She began to moan in time with his grunts, and the curious pressure raged out of control. She felt like she was slowly being raised into the sky, and in that moment, fear caught up with her. _

_ "Zuko…I feel…what is…?"_

_"Katara." His thrusts seemed to punctuate his words. "You're coming. You have to let go. Breathe."_

_ Yet the pressure had escalated to the point of madness, and Katara was afraid of falling alone. "Can't…can't come alone. Please, Zuko!"_

_ "Yes, love, yes. Come for me. I'm coming!"_

_ Katara flew into the heavens as her entire body spasmed, and shards of pleasure embedded themselves into every inch of her skin. Far away, she could hear Zuko call out to her, and pump into her in a new, important rhythm. Yet she was still soaring when he slumped down against her, and she could barely feel his weight, or his breath against her throat. Minutes, days, or lifetimes later, she opened her eyes to find the world was still there, and the one who had led her into a new plane of pleasure still on top of her. She hummed in contentment. She was sober enough now to know she would be sore in the morning, yet it was not morning yet, and every part of her felt heavy and delicious. Just to test it out, she tensed her vaginal muscles and smirked when Zuko groaned. It was enough to instigate him to pull out, and before she forgot, Katara swept her arms downwards, directing the mixture of their bodily fluids into the river. That being done, she was very aware of Zuko, who had sat up and was now looking down at her. Not wanting him to know how much she had sobered up, Katara reached up to him like a child might, and asked him to help her up. _

_ Zuko's eyes flickered, but he did as she asked. He looked at her with an unfathomable expression for a moment, yet then he leaned down to kiss her neck, right where her pulse jumped. Katara sighed as he pulled away; a reaction caused by his scent, and the exhaustion that suddenly rocked her. Zuko must have noticed her drooping eyes, for he suddenly swung her into his arms, carrying her like a husband would carry a bride over a threshold. _

_ "Zuko?"_

_ "It's all right, Katara. I'll take you back to camp. I finally found you, after all."_

_ Trusting in his response, and determined not to consider the ramifications of her actions until morning, Katara leaned into his chest, and fell into a deep sleep where she dreamt of swirling stars, pleasure that did not fade, and men that lit the darkness, but did not burn. _

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As she stood helplessly in front of the mirror, prisoner to the frenetic preparations (and those who waited upon her) Katara placed internal bets on how the betrothal party would go. So far it wasn't that bad, although her final bet was firmly placed on The Worst. She hadn't seen Zuko since their spar, and Aang had sent Momo with a Fire Lily as an apology. Judging by the guest list, she assumed she would attend worse parties, but her optimism could only extend so far, and deep down she trusted in the inevitability of disaster. The ultimate altercation was long overdue, and the events of the last week had more than adequately set the stage for the destruction she suspected would come. Tonight, one way or another, an irrevocable change would take place: her relationship with the Avatar, or the value and definition of her very self.

It hadn't helped that they had dressed her in the finest array of Fire Nation clothes they possessed. She had managed to skirt the clothing issue for a week, generally by _accidentally_ dousing the day's clothes with whatever liquid was at hand. Yet now they – the two servants Mai had assigned to wait on her - were on to her tricks, and they had cleared out all liquids (going so far as to deposit her water pouches out in the hallway until she was fully dressed) and thus she was firmly swaddled in the deepest of crimsons, with far more of her exotic skin showing that she would have chosen. Especially on her betrothal night when all eyes would be upon her. She glanced in the mirror and her breath caught in her throat. She was beautiful. Even she could see that. Aang would be smitten and proud, but uncomfortable with the palpable aura of desire that adorned her like a mantle (she had given up wondering why he couldn't just be like any other red-blooded male and simply _want her)._

Yet Zuko would want her. He had wanted her then, and during the sparring match earlier, and tonight she was not being a vain or foolish woman when she knew within herself that his amber eyes would darken with lust when she was presented herself to him. Neither was she being foolish when she admitted to herself that her eyes would darken in return. Anything else would be in vain – they were drawn to each other in the way that only lovers could be, and that steady, thrumming pain that she had assumed was merely the beat of her heart grew louder in her ears, to the point where she could almost no longer push it back down. She refused to recognize it, but it felt so much like despair.

As she walked to the ballroom, Katara took things in disjointedly: the color of the marble pillars, the way the flame leapt from the wall scones, the sound of muted footsteps on the gleaming floor. It reminded her of the way her brain shut down before a battle, and then she knew that she was panicking. But was she panicking because she was marrying the wrong man? Or was it because she was marrying at all? Katara wondered how she was supposed to determine between the two. After all, she couldn't have Zuko. He was married, and as Lord of the Fire Nation, could not choose infidelity with her. She had always known this, and thus had not expected to doubt her decision to be with Aang. She loved Aang, and for years had been content. Yet is that what she wanted? A lifetime of contentedness? Or did she want the heat of desire and the warmth of respect? Oh, Aang valued her, and would swear that he respected her as well. And perhaps his did. Yet when it came down to it, he did not listen to her, did not take into account her experiences and opinions. The world was still black and white to Aang, good and evil, right and wrong. Katara understood that – until the war, she had been the same. Only then had she learned that not all lives could be saved, and that perhaps not all lives _should_ be saved. She had learned that loving someone did not mean you were in love with them, and that even those whom she hated had someone that they loved. She had learned that bloodbending could be used to save lives, as well as end them. She had unlearned her hatred of flame, and she had learned to welcome shades of grey.

Katara stared at the huge doors in front of her, wondering what would happen if she simply never walked through them. She could turn and leave, and depending on how well Zuko had trained her in the Fire Academy Arts (he had instructed them all in his sneaky ways during the war) perhaps make it to the coast before anyone had any way of finding her. She allowed herself a moment to imagine escaping to Ba Sing Se, and hiding out in Uncle's tea shop. Or perhaps she would run to the swamp, and learn from the eccentric wise women who resided there. Or she might go home to the South Pole, and see her family again.

Or Aang would track her down on Appa before she got 10 miles. Katara sighed and shook her head, attempting to dispel the tempting thoughts. She could not simply run. That was not the woman that she was. As she lifted her arm to push open the doors, Katara inadvertently remembered something Uncle had told her, right after she had accepted Aang's proposal. _You are a powerful woman, Katara. You love with all that you are. You must be careful, however, to never love someone so much that you lose your love for yourself. At the end of the day, you can only be one person. Do not lose that, Katara. Or else all love will fail. _

If there was anything she truly hated, (now that the world had been cleansed of the Phoenix King) it was failing. Katara extended her arm and pushed the door open. She didn't know what would happen tonight, but even if everything else went to hell, she would not fail herself.

…

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...

Katara had feared dancing the most, as she knew she would have to dance with Zuko. Yet she had forgotten that the betrothal dinner preceded that dance, and the myriad toasts that would be raised to her and Aang's happy union. Furthermore, she had underestimated how unutterably boring they all would be.

"I remember when they first met-" here, Sokka wiped away a fake tear, ever the showman, ever the annoying older brother – "Love at first sight. He asked her to go penguin sledding with him. It was beautiful…"

Katara tuned him out to preserve the brain cells she still possessed. They had already sat through 6 speeches, and spirits knew how many were to follow. She hadn't realized everyone and their grandmother would want to toast the Avatar and his bride. That had been foolish. Aang was the _Avatar_. They would be celebrated or antagonized for the rest of their lives, always in the public light. Katara grimaced. She didn't want to raise her children like that.

_Don't be thinking about how to raise babies with someone you can't imagine making those babies with._

Katara gripped her knife so tightly her knuckles turned white. She had forgotten about GranGran's piece of unasked for wisdom, given to her the last night she had spent in the South Pole. At the time, Katara had wondered just what it was with the old people in her life and giving her uncomfortable advice. When she had arrived and realized that Mai was pregnant, she had forced herself not to think of children at all, in order to stave off the pain the Fire Lady's condition caused. Now, the slow ticking of fate finally matched tempo with the doom in her heartbeat, and comprehension dawned.

"Trust, the most important part of any union, is not born out of a single confidence, but of the acceptance of each other's strengths and flaws. Time tells whether or not the attraction will die, but trust is something that transcends the rights and wrongs of any relationship-"

Katara whipped her head over to the speaker. Oh. Toph. The girl had arrived last night with Uncle, but she hadn't wanted to see her with all this indecision in her heart. It looked like it hadn't mattered, however. A little in shock, Katara broke her self-imposed ignorance of the host and looked over at Zuko, whose head had turned with hers. _She knows?_ Katara mouthed. He stared at her for a moment, the expression in his dark eyes hidden by his inner fire. Then he nodded. _Yes._

Katara nodded back, unsurprised, and uncaring. It was good that she knew. Good, because only Toph, Zuko and herself could ever calm Aang down, and after she told Aang tonight that she wasn't a virgin, Toph was the only one left that could be in a position to do so.

Katara leaned over as Toph sat down. "I have to tell you something," she whispered to Aang. She had hoped to make it seem light, but as soon as she finished Aang stiffened. He hastily stood, beating JiangJiang, who had apparently been next in line to toast the young couple.

"Thank you everyone for your kind wishes! I'm sorry to interrupt, but the night is getting late and I'm sure everyone is longing to dance! So please, follow me to the next stage of the celebrations!"

There was some grumbling from those who had yet to congratulate the couple, but for the most part everyone else stood in relief. Katara was one of the last to rise, her purpose and annoyance with her fiancé weighing heavily on her heart. He had to run from everything, didn't he?

"Katara-"

"I'm telling him tonight." Without looking at Zuko, she answered his unfinished query. She could feel him standing behind her, hunching over slightly as to shield their conversation from unwanted ears. Yet he did not stand too closely to her; they could not afford a scandal, tonight of all nights. "I'll shield you, tell him it was with someone he never knew. I'll tell him it was when he wasn't there. But I will tell him."

"He won't understand. And even if he does, it will take him a long time to forgive. It could ruin your marriage. Or he could leave you."

There was no time to consider, or to look into his eyes and show him just how deeply she had agonized over this possibility. If she didn't catch him now, she would be chasing after Aang all night. All she could do was sigh _I know_, and then she propelled herself onto the dance floor, determined to force the truth onto her fiancé.

…

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...

"Think it was too much? Too obvious?"

"No, Toph. For you, it was surprisingly subtle."

"Thank you. I do try, you know. And you're sure Sugar Queen got the picture?"

"Yes. She exchanged glances with my nephew, and I believe words will be exchanged."

"Good. They handled it so badly. I mean, they had the whole Western Air Temple vibrating for _months_ and then even after they got drunk and…you know, it wasn't any better. I always wondered why they never got back together after the war."

"Honor, mostly. Guilt. Both conformed to expectation, and were confused as to the extent of their feelings, I imagine."

"And that, Pops, is why I'm never falling in love. All those useless emotions that come with it. Nope. Not for me."

"We'll see, young one. We'll see."

…

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...

It took the combined efforts of Uncle, Toph, Suki, and an oblivious Sokka, but Katara finally cornered Aang on one of the balconies. In many other situations, this would spell romance: the night was warm and clear, the lady beautiful, the excitement palpable. Yet from the way Aang's fingers nervously fidgeted with his staff, Katara thought he could feel it too – the overlay of fear and resignation that had settled between them during the dinner.

"Katara, we can't stay out here. We have to mingle with our guests! I can't insult someone by not paying attention to them tonight, I have to keep the peace-"

"Aang. Don't run away from me. We have to _talk."_

"We can talk tomorrow. Or at least after the guests leave."

Katara knew better than to believe him. She also knew that all of her nerve would disappear with the morning sun, and that she had experienced enough indecision to last her a lifetime. It might not be fair to drop this on Aang now, but she knew it would be far worse if she waited until they were married to tell him.

So she did.

"Aang…I'm not a virgin."

Katara hesitated, giving Aang's anger a chance to materialize. Nothing. He just stared at her blankly, clearly not comprehending what she'd told him. Yet the lack of expression frightened her, and Katara hurried on explaining, momentarily losing her calm. "It was a long time ago, before we got together. I mean, I knew you, but we weren't…it was before the war ended. You weren't there. I didn't really know the guy, and we've never…I haven't really seen him since. I didn't think it was a big deal, but then earlier today…I realized maybe you'd care. But it shouldn't matter, it was just-"

"Katara?" His voice rose shakily at the end, and it was just like he was 12 again, except for saving the world he had to interrupt his fiancée. And forget everything he'd just heard. "Katara, stop it. Stop."

"Aang I'm sorry. I should have told you sooner. But I didn't-"

"Katara. Stop telling me this. Stop lying. Stop-"

Katara knew that she shouldn't get angry. She knew that this was a bad thing to tell Aang on the night before his wedding (not as bad as being pregnant, or that she had been hopelessly in love with his best friend, of course). Yet she couldn't help it. Could they never sit and speak with each other as if they were mature adults? She was passionate, yes. When she got angry, she could make the oceans shake. Yet she had learned to listen, had learned to accept. Zuko had taught her that. Zuko and her own mistakes. Aang had apparently still not learned that, however, so tonight she strove for patience.

"Aang. I'm not lying. It's fine to be angry at me, but you have to acknowledge that this is the truth."

Aang spun away from her, and the wind whipped with him. Here was the anger. He had enough time to process her words, and although he still sought to reject it, his resolve was beginning to be swamped by his rage. "_It's not the truth._ You're just saying this to hurt me, like you did earlier. Well, I don't appreciate this, Katara. Not at all."

_Strive for patience._ "Aang, I'm sorry that I have to hurt you, then. But I'm not lying to you. I never have lied about this."

"How could it have happened, then? When did it happen? We've been together for _six years_, Katara! It has to be a lie!"

"Aang I told you. It was during the war. You weren't there. I was separated from everyone, and…ok, I was a bit drunk. I was young and stupid, and clearly nothing else happened-"

"It was with _Jet_, wasn't it. You had sex with Jet. That's why you tried so hard to save him."

Katara froze, having completely forgotten about her long-deceased crush. Jet…fit. It could work. Anything to cover for Zuko, really. Plus, it looked like Aang was beginning to accept it. Lastly, Jet was already dead, and Aang couldn't kill him again. It was perfect.

"…Yeah. It was with Jet."

"_You're lying."_

Katara swallowed. Aang was practically in flames now, and Katara reactively reached for the water pouch at her belt. Tongues of flame lapped around her fiancé, and Katara took a gamble – that he still was in denial, not that he suspected her sexual partner to be someone else.

"Aang! Please, listen to me. You're angry, and for tonight, that's fine. I should have told you long before. But I'm not sorry for doing it. My body is my own, Aang, especially as I wasn't even seeing you yet. I wasn't married, and I won't regret what I did so long ago. I'm sorry that it hurts you now. I'm so, so sorry Aang-"

_"_YOU'RE LYING!" He was one step away from bursting into flames. Once upon a time, Katara would have worried about him entering the Avatar state, but she knew now that – even if he could enter it - he could never use that against her. Especially when the reason he could no longer access it was because of his love for her.

Raising her voice to carry over the piercing wind, she closed her eyes and screamed all she had left. "AANG! IF YOU DON'T BELIEVE ME, OUR WEDDING IS OFF!"

Resounding silence. The wind dropped completely, and the heat from the flames dissipated so quickly Katara felt chilled. The eerie quiet frightened her more than Aang's fury, so she opened her eyes.

Promptly, she wished that she hadn't. Aang stood there, eyes wide and unblinking, shoulders hunched, the picture of a broken man. Katara felt rather than saw the salty tear trace a path down his shaven cheek. All of her instincts screamed at her to hold him, to take back everything she had said. But that was not what she wanted to be as a wife. She wanted honesty and passion, love and respect. She didn't want to mother her husband the way she did Aang.

"Katara," Aang whispered, his voice cracking through his tight throat. "Katara. Why are you doing this? If I believe you, it will kill me. But if I don't, you'll leave me. What do you want me to do?"

"Just…just trust me, Aang. It will be ok. It doesn't have to mean anything. Believe _in_ me, Aang. I love you. Please. Believe in me."

Aang looked up at her, eyes glassy and unfocused. Katara thought he might beg her for time, as she could see the acceptance in his eyes. She was wrong.

"No. I can't. I'm sorry, Katara. I can't." With that, he threw himself over the balcony. Katara rushed to the edge torn between screaming his name and somehow jumping after him, but sagged in relief when she noticed him activating his glider as he fell. So. He was gone. She had told him her truth and he couldn't accept it. What had Toph said about trust? Whatever it was, he had failed it. Or perhaps she had, by keeping this a secret for so many years. It didn't matter anymore. She had kept Zuko's identity a secret, averting another war. She had told the truth and…

She had set herself free.

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...

The rest of the night passed by in a blur of inchoate emotions and actions that Katara could not, later on, distinguish from those of her dreams. Suki had found her on the balcony, she was told. Toph had created a diversion with Uncle, and Katara had been smuggled to her room before she could inform the party that the wedding was off. She had tried, she remembered vaguely. She had wanted to tell everyone to go home, and to apologize for the inconvenience. She had then attempted to leave the confines of her chamber until Suki threatened to get Zuko – she had known, apparently, or suspected, or guessed. Katara supposed it made sense. Suki had led a troupe of warrior women for years; she would know the signs of a girl in love, or a girl who was coming to terms with her newfound sexuality. Yet nothing was said until Uncle and Toph arrived, she all business and brusqueness, and slapped Katara out of her shock. Then came the yelling (Toph did her best to match Katara, never one to be outdone), then came the revelations (if Suki hadn't known about the night so long ago, she certainly did now), then came the tears (even Uncle cried a little).

After all that, as Katara collected herself amidst the fallout of all the emotions she had ever experienced packed into a single night, a plan was made. Suki would head out with the darkest-skinned Kyoshi warrior in her current entourage, and would make their way back to Kyoshi Island, with plenty of nostalgic stops on the way – something everyone would assume Katara to do. Sokka would be have to be told about Aang's defection (he alone would be caring for his children for at least a month, and was the perfect public figure to uphold his sister's honor), but would not be informed about Katara's actual whereabouts. Toph would stay here at the palace, kicking up a fuss and keeping Zuko busy. When Aang returned – which he would, Toph reckoned, for he _was_ the Avatar and Aang could only ignore his duty for his heartbreak for so long – Toph would alternatively kick his ass, distract him from Katara's whereabouts, and hopefully muscle him out of his own sorrow.

What Katara needed most was time, and a place to escape the aftermath of the broken engagement. Seeking refuge in the Water Tribes was dangerous, as she was of marriageable age, and would be expected or coerced into "doing her duty." The Earth Nation was also a difficult move, as even though she had friends there, she couldn't be sure she wouldn't be antagonized as the whore who jilted the Avatar at the alter. Obviously, the Wind Temples were out of the question.

So she decided to stay. No one would expect it of her, especially Aang and Zuko- why stay in the place where she had experienced and caused so much misery? Not to mention it being the home of her disastrous, one-time lover. Uncle had kindly offered up his chambers in an establishment run by the White Lotus, ensuring her safety and privacy. He had been extremely apologetic, which Katara had not understood. Why should he apologize for the failing that was either hers, or Aang's? Regardless, Katara was not going to look this freemasonic gift horse in the mouth. He was providing her with what she needed, and she accepted under one stipulation – that neither Aang nor Zuko would be told of her whereabouts.

He hesitantly agreed, and the plan went into motion. Suki and Tanh (the Kyoshi warrior elected to play Katara) left the hour before dawn, knowing they'd be spotted sooner than later, but also trusting in their ability to blend in among the natives. After all, the mud that they had rubbed into Tanh's skin would come off soon enough, and in the broad daylight neither would pass for water tribe. Being seen by the palace guards as they left was all they were hoping for, along with dropping Katara's name among those who did not know her well enough to see through their deceit.

Uncle would chase after them in a few days, after settling the real Katara in, and providing his assistance to his nephew. His actions would lend strength to the façade, allowing Tanh and Suki to move about more freely.

Toph was going to seriously to enjoy her part of the plan. She was the incendiary force that propelled all the others along, namely by distracting all those left in the palace, and then by smoothing over things with Zuko and Aang. The first part of her plan was what had her so excited, as she planned to use her undeniable skills to spread chaos and discord among those remaining at the palace. Considering this included Mai, Queen of Darkness and Gloomy Doom, Toph couldn't help but cackle gleefully. When she wasn't wreaking havoc, she would be dropping false hints about Katara's whereabouts that would correspond to Suki and Tanh's placement. When Aang returned, she would do what she did best, and make him see the error of his stupid-ass-Avatar ways.

Katara had nothing to do but wait, and think. Uncle had tried to warn her about the dangerous position she was in, and the decisions she might come too. Katara had just nodded and smiled. She already knew what she wanted; she merely needed to figure out how to do it.

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...

At the end of Day 3, Katara began to acknowledge that Uncle knew what he was talking about. She had already paced the uncharacteristically spare suite 47 times today, compared to the 52 and 107 times the last two days respectively. She was grateful for the space, especially that the bedroom possessed an attached bathroom and kitchen, but as Uncle had hinted there was nothing to do. Katara was not someone who found much pleasure in reading or writing, and couldn't bring herself to sit down with book or paper for longer than an hour a day, especially when all Uncle had to offer were books on war, firebending techniques, tea, and Pai Sho. She had been momentarily intrigued by the Pai Sho board in the corner, with an array of tiles in certain positions. When she tried to move them, however, she found that they were affixed to the board. Katara sighed, suspecting them to be some White Lotus secret, and left them alone after that.

She longed for the means and space to bend, yet could engage in nothing more strenuous than yoga. That kept her sane, yet she craved physical action with an ache that she had only experienced once, on board the Fire Nation prison ship back during the war. Her day was so confined and yet unstructured, she was beginning to lose herself in her thoughts. This was what Uncle had warned her about, the danger of thinking herself out of her convictions.

Yet Katara was stronger than that. She had faced down Aang and told him the truth, and she had learned something important from the altercation. The truth she had gleaned was this: there was a difference between being strong, and being happy. She had been unhappy for a long time, so long that she had convinced herself it was perfectly normal. Yet now that she had the chance to do whatever she wanted, without being chained by expectation and the care she felt for Aang, she could see the chance for happiness and would not give it up for anything.

It was exactly as Uncle had told her. He had warned her against this – she had gotten too lost in loving someone (or several someones, whatever the case may be) and had forgotten to love herself. Now she knew better; she would never lose herself again.

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...

The first person Katara had seen since Uncle deposited her here 4 days ago was Toph. She had snuck away from the palace, using the underground tunnel she had made to sneak Katara away in the first place. She came bearing gifts: fruit, scrolls written about something other than war, tea, and Pai Sho, and conversation. Katara was a little embarrassed by how eagerly she hugged the younger girl, but Toph shrugged it off nonchalantly, and got down to business.

So far, the plan had been a complete success. Suki and Tanh had been spotted and chased, yet had not yet been caught. Sokka was convinced that Suki would have done anything to help her future sister-in-law, (although he was a bit upset about Suki leaving him to watch their kids) lending an unlooked for credence to their plan. Zuko had been torn between what he wanted to do, and what was right for the Fire Nation, and had eventually acquiesced to Uncle's suggestion – and so Uncle went off on his merry way to "chase" after the wayward young women. Toph, on the day after Katara's disappearance, decided to up the ante and point-blank, in front both Fire Lord, Lady, and most of their entourage, accused _Uncle_ of spiriting Katara away after she had discovered his secret affair with the Avatar. Interestingly enough, it was Mai who broke the silence first, sniggering audibly enough to dispel the tension, and bring the Fire Nation court to its knees with mirth. The accusation served several purposes, Toph matter-of-factly informed the dumbstruck Katara. First, the ridiculousness of the charge would help to battle other unwanted rumors, such as Katara leaving Aang, and not vice versa. Suki and Tanh would help with that as well, by spreading the word that Katara had left the palace heartbroken, after Aang had mysteriously disappeared. Secondly, since the truth had been presented swaddled in impossible lies, no one would think to look for Katara through any of Uncle's connections. Katara nodded slowly, still nervous. She figured the deceit would stop all but the two men she wanted least to find her – those two would obviously know the truth, and were the best equipped to find her anyways.

After Toph left, Katara thought long and hard about what she would do if she were discovered. She assumed Aang wouldn't want anything to do with her for at least a little while longer. Whether or not Toph would talk sense back into him was beyond her control, and right now, she had to decide what to do without banking on that. Yet if he were somehow to find her…she would talk to him calmly, and firmly. She would attempt to salvage their friendship, but she would not get married to him. She loved Aang, but this final rejection had ended her hopes of him maturing into a man who would be her emotional equal, as opposed to her emotional dependent. Their final altercation had cleared quite a bit up for her, and she needed no more time to reflect to know that as they were now, he would continue to make her unhappy.

If Zuko found her… Katara shifted on the bed, uncomfortable on several levels. This was what she feared. He was in the best position to find her, and she worried that Toph's silliness had only pinpointed exactly she was. Katara was hoping that he wouldn't try and find her. He had a nation to rule, and a wife of his own, a child on the way, and their feelings for each other were worlds more forbidden now than it was then. Yet she couldn't be sure he wouldn't – after all, he didn't know what had passed between her and Aang out of the balcony, and couldn't know that she had definitively kept his name safe. He could find out all that from Toph, of course, yet would he? Or would he use the confusion as an excuse to see her one last time?

Katara closed her eyes against the growing darkness. She didn't know what she would do if Zuko found her. She didn't even know if she wanted him to or not.

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...

It was at the end of Day 6 that Katara realized that the Pai Sho tiles might be more useful than she had originally suspected. She had read through all the other scrolls Toph had brought her, and in her boredom she had turned to the Pai Sho book on Uncle's bookcase. Thinking it would be more interesting to know a bit more about a White Lotus secret, she had preceded to pore over the book and table for hours, coming to the realization that Uncle had done more for her than she had previously suspected. At the top of the board lay the Rubicon tile, played only when no other options were left, signifying the point of no return. Below it lay three tiles that, when used in a precise conjunction, signified the Safe House, and the symbol (a Black Lily, interestingly enough) one needed to gain access to it. The two tiles lying adjacent specified travel – East and Water, directing one over the ocean. The single tile towards the bottom left of the board represented the Seducer, or one who would try to turn you against your path. Opposite that lay the Peaceful King, whose opposite side represented the Vengeful King. In the center of all this lay the Woman – the tile that represented final choices, when inverted - hedged in by the Seducer and the King, yet in position to make her way to the Safe house.

Katara sat back, thoughtful and proud. She was a woman of action, rather than subtlety, but she had figured out the puzzle. For the first time in over two weeks, she felt good. Especially when she realized she'd _seen _a Black Lily before, and recently at that. Looking around the room, she located it in the portrait against the wall over the bed – and within it she found the bag of extra Pai Sho tiles, along with enough money and supplies to last her several months worth of travel.

Not ready to go to bed yet, Katara ran her fingers over the new tiles, wondering at their meanings. She was arrested by the icon of a woman holding an infant, and had to fight down the desperation longing that bloomed within her. Her decision to leave everyone behind would deny her motherhood, something she had always wanted. Being with Aang had deferred this desire, especially when faced with how immature he could be. But now, staring at the tile, in the company of all the other stark decision she had made, Katara knew she desperately wanted to be a mother. It was too bad she had decided to take herself out of everyone's lives, and that Uncle's Pai Sho tiles had finally given her the means of doing so.

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...

Katara had spent the 7th day poring over Uncle's maps, and planning out routes to the Safe House. From there, she would make further decisions, and let more time pass. First, however, she had to get there before Aang returned. On several stops along her journey she would send out letters to everyone, assuring them this was what she wanted, and that she was fine. That this was her own life to live, and she would do it the way she chose.

He came to her after she had bathed; she looked up and he was suddenly standing in her doorway, blocking out the fading light. He was not dressed as the Fire Lord, but as he had in Uncle's teashop, years and years ago. Katara said nothing, and neither did he. They merely stared at each other, and Katara was vaguely thankful that everything was put away or packed, so that he might not know she was running away. Then, she found herself lifted into his arms, her own arms flung tightly around his neck, her legs around his waist. It was a defining moment in a long series of drawn out revelations – she was in love with Zuko, had never stopped being in love with Zuko, and she certainly wasn't going to stop right now.

They made their way to the bed, mouths meeting inelegantly in their passion. It had been 6 years since Katara had last felt lust, and Zuko's encounters with Mai had always come tinged with regret, and the knowledge that it would never be the same as the one drunken encounter so long ago. Their clothes and inhibitions were easily shed, and soon they found themselves re-enacting the consummation of their love. Once that was done, they continued on affirming their desire, and made love until the candles burned down and drowned themselves in their own wax.

…

…

…

"Are you angry that I came?"

Katara shifted against the firebender next to her, so completely sated that it made her sad. She wouldn't feel like this again, and it felt so _good._ "No. Did you always know where I was?"

Zuko pulled her closer, breathing in her scent. "I figured Uncle would hide you in the Fire Nation. Toph proved it. It took a few days to figure out exactly where, though."

Katara nodded, not particularly caring how he had found her. All that mattered was that he had, and that they had one more night of memories to hold against her future loneliness.

"You're leaving, aren't you?"

Wordlessly, Katara nodded into his shoulder, the beating of his heart increasing under her ear.

"I know. I was afraid to come, thinking it would make you leave. But then I thought about it, and realized you'd probably leave anyway. I know you, Katara. If you didn't go off after Aang…then you'd go off in search of a new life. You wouldn't want to waste away here, trapped in what was. We all understand; Toph and Suki and I…and we'll make Sokka and Aang understand too, someday." He paused as he shifted over her, bringing their bodies and their desires together again. "We'll all be together again someday."

He began kissing her neck, and Katara felt the tide between them, as powerfully as she had when she was 14. His hands began to ply her breasts, and she knew he would bring them to climax again. Looking up into his eyes, inverted on the bed underneath him, Katara made her final decision.

Reaching between them, she stroked him, and watched his illuminated eyes darken. There would be no other chance, and this…this would give her something more than just a memory to stave off the loneliness.

"I love you, Zuko." Katara hesitated before continuing, arching her body up against him. "Fill me."

…

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…

...

...

Katara left with the dawn, leaving Zuko unconscious in the bed. He had passed out quickly after coming for the 4th time, as Katara hoped he would: that way, he wouldn't realize she had deliberately forgotten something important. He hadn't slept well since he had anticipated her arrival in the Fire Nation, and judging from his sexual promiscuity, hadn't had sex either. Seeing as they had only finished less than an hour ago, Katara had given herself half an hour to lay against him, glorying in the feel of his skin, his scent, his presence. She wondered how loving him made everything so simple, when denying it had made everything so convoluted and difficult. Well. There was nothing left to wait for now – he had given her his seed and his own declaration of love (something that would haunt her dreams with its heartrending sincerity) and there was nothing left to do but escape and prepare for the future. Her first stop would be the Safe House, and hopefully, that house would be safe enough to weather any political repercussions that may or may not be on the way. Yet Katara was not worried. If she became too hot for the Safe House to hold, she would simply continue on, and find – or make – a place safe enough for her…and any who traveled with her.

Katara slid from his arms and silently collected her things, careful not to wake Zuko. Everything was easily collected, save for something that reflected the final, spurious decision she had made when she had slept with Zuko – she was thankful she had left a specific Pai Sho tile out, otherwise she would have had a hell of a time rummaging through the bag without waking Zuko. She collected the tile, brought it to her lips, and then tucked it into her chest wrappings to keep it safe. She turned back to look one more time at the sleeping Seducer. Loving him had made everything simple, yet he had not been able to change her mind. He had known her better than any King ever could, and had given her a gift that would forever tie them together, yet would also spur her on the path to freedom.

…

…

…

The Woman left the White Lotus Enclave, and began her journey to the Safe House. She would go over Water, to the lands in the East, chased by the memories of the Seducer and the King, yet she had crossed her Rubicon and would not lose sight of who she would become - the Mother.

…

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**The End! **

**This is a entirely AU from End of Avatar. I used Tanh's name again because I liked it, and figured the role was minor enough to not cause any dissatisfaction with anyone (are you out there?) who is reading EOA.**

**As always, this is unbeta'd, so any comments or criticisms would be greatly appreciated. Thanks for reading, and sorry it took me so long to get up!**


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